I feel like my life is for the bin

Hey everyone

I'm 25, female. I wake up everyday with zero will to get out of bed. I look into the mirror and immediately criticize my looks, calling myself names. I commute 1 hour into work. It's a soulless, easy, boring job that I'm too embarrassed to talk about. I don't make a lot of money, either. I'll never own anything, as in a home, apartment, whatever. I'm terrified that I'll end up homeless because the costs of living are rising and I'm all alone. I don't have emotional nor financial support. My tiny circle is busy building their own lives, traveling, planning marriage and children, pursuing higher education.

I don't know what I want, or where to go. I lost all interest in my hobbies (that I've never been good at anyway). I'm not particularly smart. I'm objectively ugly (measured by current standards) and my environment lets me know that. I never received compliments growing up. I never got flirted with. I never had a partner. I fear I'll be on my own forever.

All I think about is money. All the time. But realistically, I'll never earn "good" money. I'll never be free to travel, or to just buy stuff that I want. I'll probably always be chained to some tiny apartment. My siblings didn't turn out like me. They're successful, confident, with their own families and cool, well-paying careers that earn them admiration. Mom loves talking and bragging about them.

I compare myself to everyone and everything. I beat myself up constantly. I'm insanely jealous and envious. I can't even look at my siblings social media accounts without feeling sick and ashamed of myself. I'm a complete fuck-up. I wish I could go to university, but I can't afford it. And I'm scared of it, too. If I mess up, I'm worse off than right now. I'm paralyzed. I feel like I'm sitting in a hole. I can't see a future for myself. I don't have anyone to turn to. I keep stuffing everything down so people around me don't notice.

I don't even know what kind of advice I'm asking for. I'm in desperate need of a "real" adult.