Anxiety from the dark web

So I downloaded a tor browser with my girlfriend to look up stuff about the Epstein files and see if there was information on there. The next day my girlfriend went to work and I was home and in the mood so I wanted to watch porn. For some reason I was like well let’s try using the tor browser to find porn cause it blocked in America unless you use a VPN or something but I just went straight for the tor browsers. Well there is no such thing as 18 and older porn on the dark web. I got on there and the first link I clicked immediately child corn was every where. Imagines videos. I was sick to my fucking stomach. I got out of that site feeling sick and messed up but still tried to find regular ADULT porn. And the ONLY thing that pops up is the most fucked up shit I’ve ever seen. A human brain shouldn’t see this shit. This shit souldnt exist and on the site it was just children it was women, men, children getting murder just horrible things…

Well immediately I was just feeling so sick I delete the tor browser and any access to the dark web that I could think of. But I can NOT get images out of my head. And it has given me MAJOR anxiety. And it just makes me feel sick I feel like I’m a bad person for looking at it , for trying to find adult porn in the mix of all the scary stuff. And now I’m down with porn completely cause I tried to pornhub later on and I couldn’t get the images I saw out of my head. It makes me feel so fucking sick to my stomach it bothers me so much.

And then with everything going on in the world is see like this child stuff is popping up everywhere everyone is talking about it and it just has me in a huge funk.

Has anyone else has a similar experience? Or any advice? I had to text my therapist to set up a session soon to talk about this.

A apart of me feels so horrible and guilty cause I was horny going on the internet then saw fucked up shit that completely turned me off and then still tried to find normal porn on the dark web to jack off too but there just wasn’t any at all. so I again deleted the browser and just sat there in disgust. But i can NOT get those images out of my head.. it sickens me. And makes me feel like a horrible person. Im mad at ever human being that is involved in that sick shit. Im mad at my self for going on the dark web. It’s just been a lot