I don't know where to start. I'm young, probably younger than a very large majority of the people here... But I don't feel like I should be this young. I hate being this young. I feel so restrained with what I can do when I feel so much older than I am. 

And of course, my loneliness. I have incredibly severe social anxiety and I'm also introverted. If I'm being honest, it took at least an hour to build up the courage to start typing this post. I haven't had a single irl friend ever, and the few online ones I have either disappear after a week or don't care about me at all. And I don't know why, but I feel like I need a relationship. I want to be taken care of, cuddled, hugged in bed until my worries go away. But that won't happen. Again, my age is a big factor, my social anxiety, and my lack of self confidence. I feel like anyone I meet will just instantly not like me and stop talking to me altogether. And other reasons that I can't share. I'm also a straight femboy, which makes things much harder too....

Lastly, my parents. I feel like I should be happy. I have my phone, a pretty good PC, and plenty of other things. But it also feels like they barely care about me... They tell me to be honest with them, but when I say I'm having suicidal thoughts, the main response is "Oh, you just want to get out of [responsibilty]", so I just don't trust them. They also forced me to therapy despite my pleas of not wanting to go, I don't trust my therapist because of that, and no offense to him, but he's in his late 40s and I just don't feel like he'd get what I say. I've also been on meds for a while, but nothing has even made the slightest difference.
Back to the loneliness; I just always feel incredibly needy and this might be incredibly pathetic, but every time I even see a girl in media or irl, my feelings get incredibly worse. I genuinely just feel so bad all the time, so lonely, that I have daily suicidal thoughts in bed and I just want this suffering to end. I tried sh, but not even that did anything. I dont even get why people do it, it didnt even take the thoughts away... I've even tried picking up digital art to take my mind off everything, and I somewhat enjoy it, but I can barely even get the motivation to get out of bed to do anything all day.

That's it... I think... stay silly :3..!

I don't know what to do [TW: suicide]