It’s been 5 months since I weaned

And I don’t remember when my now 12 month old transitioned to formula.

I pumped 8 times a day basically from birth to 12 weeks. Then slowly got down to 4 ppd until 6 months. I remember trying so hard to get an oversupply so that I can build a freezer stash to last baby until a year old. I had apps, spreadsheets, all the calculations. I stashed around 2000 oz. I know I didn’t make it to a year. But I can’t for the life of me remember when she finished all the breastmilk and transitioned to formula?!

I know it was a gradual process. But you’d think that I would remember this detail as I spent SO much time and emotional capacity agonizing over getting my baby to drink breastmilk for as long as possible. So many tears over something that is such a small blip in my memory and baby’s life just a few months later.

All I remember is loathing pumping. And wanting to hold my baby but not being able to because I was hooked up to a pump all day long. And now I’m not sure why I put myself through the misery. I mean, I know why, and I would probably do it again. But as a FTM of a now toddler who drinks water and whole milk and is totally whatever about it, let me tell you that breastmilk/breastfeeding is not the end all be all of parenting your child like I felt it was. I wish I could go back and give myself some grace.