Hello there! At the time of posting this, today is the 18th anniversary of my mother's passing. If it helps, her name is Shannon, and she passed way in a car accident when I was 6 (I know all the details now of what happened that night now that I'm older). She was a free spirit, she cared deeply about those around her, and from what I remember, she was the best mother I could have ever asked for.

For whatever reason, my Mom has suddenly been on my mind A LOT recently. I looked up her old MySpace page out of the blue the other day. Two nights ago, I posted in another Reddit community about forgetting what she sounded like. Yesterday morning, I pulled a photo book my grandmother (Dad's mom) made me years ago that's made up of pictures of my Mom for, I think, the first time since I got it. Coincidentally, that's how I found out that yesterday was the 27th wedding anniversary of her and my Dad. Yesterday, I posted in another group about this, but I figured I'd try here, too.

I don't know if this is her way of trying to let me know that she's trying to reach me, if she has something, or probably a lot of things, to say to me. I've spent the last half-decade basically running on a treadmill and going nowhere, while also falling from one bad habit to the next. And I will freely admit that there have been times where I chased certain things and I saw things that I absolutely should not have, and I am deeply ashamed of doing so and am trying to be better. Overall, I just feel like I've been letting her down. I feel stuck, but over the past year, I want to say I've been trying to change things. I know my goals in terms of what I want to do: I want to pursue a career in creative/storytelling work as an actor and a writer, and be able to use what I have to help people, among other things. And I also know what I need to do: break my bad habits, get some sort of a job to support myself and help out my Dad, among other things again. I know things need to change, and I do want to change them. I just don't know where in the world to go or how to start from where I am.

Now, I have seen things and had so many strange and unexplainable experiences happen throughout my life, especially in the first few years after she passed away, that I do not believe in coincidences when it comes to this sort of thing. I'm taking all this as a sign that it's about time that I ask for some help in getting some much needed advice from her on what the hell I need to do to get my life on track, because God knows I need it right about now. Also, if she has any messages for me from anyone else in the family that has passed on, I'd love to hear them. Thank you for your time.

I've Got This Feeling