15y girl been pretending to be a gay boy since 10 and now im thinking abt medical transition

At a very young age (like 10/11) I somehow discovered grindr and I started presenting myself as a gay femboy to men there, I don’t even fully remember how it started, but I clearly remember how it felt freeing. For the first time, I felt like I could express myself without pressure. It didn’t feel like lying. It felt like relief.

At 12, I cut my hair short and began going out as a boy. Everyone in my social and online life sees me as male. (Except ppl at school and my family ofc) I slowly distanced myself from my identity at home and school and built a parallel life where I exist as a boy

Then at like 13 I became deeply immersed in BL/yaoi stories and gay series..and consuming gay corn content too. I’ve never been interested in straight content. Even in my own thoughts, I refer to myself in male terms.

I’m naturally instantly pretty, slim, soft features, no chest, pale skin, colored eyes, delicate face. People often assume I’m not even Moroccan. What makes me receive a lot of love/attention from both men and women🥹I became socially desired, Seen, Admired That reinforced my attachment to this identity…

Now I’m close to finishing high school abd I will move abroad. None of my friends or the people I’ve dated know I’m biologically female. I’ve been seriously thinking about medically transitioning and fully living as male.

But I’m scared.

I don’t know if this is truly who I am, or if it’s something shaped by early exposure, validation, attention, and escapism. I don’t know if I’m moving toward myself or running away from something.