I don’t think I’m ever going to escape

I’m turning 30 in a month. I should be out by now but I’m trapped in this house, quite literally. I just open the front door to check the mail and I get my dad yelling at me. They’re trying to make it seem like the outside world is dangerous. I get my dad melting down and getting mad because I got a 1099 in the mail. Everyone from my special needs school in middle school that they put me in for middle school due to my autism has been living on their own FOR YEARS. An autistic relative has also been living on his own for years. My mom does seem to think they’re “gullible” though. They moved up north, I didn’t want to move up north and stay in Florida but I had no choice because I was paying for college with my excess grant funds and I had no job. Even so, I only have 1k to my name. That’s not enough to do anything.

Even if my partner and his sister told me that I was allowed to live with them. The thing is that my dad has literally threatened that he’ll kill him and still knows his general area even though my parents don’t think we’re dating. Even if we’re long distance now.

I need a job in order to get my own phone plan, my own health insurance, storage, my own credit card in my name and not a credit card in my name connected to my mother’s bank account. But nobody is hiring me. I at least need therapy or medication to be able to function properly. My parents are trying to make me apply for social security but I’m not qualified. My mother is encouraging me to lie to social security even if that’s illegal. I have told them I didn’t want to apply to social security a billion times and they still push and push and push. Even if I could apply, once again, I’m not qualified.

I feel like the only way I’ll escape is if both my parents somehow die. But even with their health problems it’ll never work. I’ll never get the “guts” to move out, unless there is some sort of legal paper that I CANNOT be living with them. And then there’s my higher needs brother. If I move out, I feel like it’ll cause problems. I don’t even take care of him. My parents just yell at him back everyday. And threaten to kick him out and put him in a group home and guilt him that they’ll die of a heart attack.

I’m only there so my parents can go to Disneyworld together, which they’re still planning to do even though the retired up north and are barely paying this $800k house (they randomly moved because the neighborhood was “becoming ghetto” read: there’s too many black people in the neighborhood now). Literally my mom has been there HUNDREDS of times. I feel like if I leave I’ll just be stalked and harrassed to comeback.

Even if I do move out, I don’t think I’m ever going to heal. I’m going to feel massive guilt and somehow move back. It would be much easier for my mother and father and my brother to die, or for me to fake my own death. Or actually enact own death.

I also used to walk back at my old place but I eventually got scared off of it because my parents kept thinking I was going to see my bf (even though I’m grown as hell) and then saying the neighborhood was dangerous.

My other relatives here are not helpful either and in fact, encourage my infantilization.