It's going to be 5yrs this year

It's going to be 5 years in September this year and I still miss her. I want to know if she is doing well and happy. I had genuine care for her but I was too much for her emotionally (I do carry some baggage) and I understood it completely. I've worked on myself since so I don't do this to other friends. I often think of messaging her, but I don't think I can handle being ignored or told to go away... But what if she was too scared to message me first in case? I say this because she was the type to not make the first move in case of rejection and I was the one making first moves and when we were on brink of falling out, I didn't message first, and so we fell out. I just don't understand why after 4.5yrs I still miss her.