Hindi na ako yung dating ako.

My dearest M,

I used to move through life without much care, especially when it came to other people’s feelings. If something was on my mind, I said iit. No filter and no pause to think about how it might land. What mattered to me back then was getting it off my chest. I didn’t realize how selfish that was.

Then I met you.

You experienced that side of me firsthand. I hurt you, and when I saw the pain in your eyes, it hit me harder than anything I had ever said. For the first time, I truly understood the weight of my words and the damage they could do. It hurt like hell realizing that I was the reason for it. And in the end, I lost you because of it.

That’s something I’ve regretted for a long time.

But I also know that back then, I fought for you as much as I knew how. Eventually, time passed, and I learned how to move on. Or at least I thought I did.

So why now?

Why, after all these years of finally forgetting, do you suddenly come back into my life?

This one small action from you has sent my mind into overdrive. A part of me wants to reach out, to finally say all the things I couldn’t say before. I know I would have done it without hesitation if I were still the same person I used to be.

But I’m not.

Now I hesitate. Now I think about the consequences. And the truth is, I’m afraid of going through that same loss again.

So instead, I find myself waiting and hoping that maybe you’ll be the one to reach out this time.

And right now, I can’t tell if that hope is helping me heal or hurting me all over again.

I just miss you so much.

Love, M