I have hit rock bottom. I am ready for help.

I (25M) have been using opiates for a little over a year. It spiraled from using only on the weekends at parties or concerts to becoming an all day every day user - chasing the high every couple of hours.

My parents discovered my use in December of last year and I lied to them and told them I stopped. Well, I technically did stop using what they caught me with, but I moved on to harder pills with who knows what in them.

I have a history of mental health issues and decided to take a medical leave from work in January. I have been through endless psychiatric medications and therapists. We decided the best thing to do would be to fly to Denver (from Minneapolis) to complete a psilocybin therapy session to help with me mental health. My mother was excited, this treatment seemed so promising for individuals with chronic depression. I was so excited to gain some clarity.

We flew to Denver for the treatment and the second night (night before the actual shroom treatment day) my mother found me using in the hotel room. When she took my pills I entered a scary withdrawal. After several hours of the scariest pain I have ever felt, my mom gave in and let me use some more because she couldn’t watch me suffer like that.

I called my psilocybin facilitator that morning and let them know that I was using (I never mentioned it to them in any of the preparation sessions.) I am now flying back to Minneapolis tonight and going to get myself into rehab/detox tomorrow morning.

The guilt and shame is eating me alive. My mother is destroyed. My father doesn’t know yet but he will be so disappointed when he finds out.

Money is incredibly tight for me and my family right now and I am scared for what the future holds for me and my family but I HAVE to get clean.

I feel like I destroyed my last chance at happiness. I am scared of how sad I feel, I am scared that this feeling will not go away.

I feel like a child. I am so scared of wha the future holds. Am I being dramatic? Will things get better?