When the behavior is not necessarily the disease

My situation is a little more different (although not entirely unheard of by reading all your posts) in that the advice “This isn’t your mother. It’s the disease.” doesn’t necessarily always apply.

My mother has a lot of symptoms of borderline personality disorder (even though she doesn’t meet the criteria for a full clinical diagnosis) and has always been passive aggressive along with manipulative. With her dementia, there’s less logic and faster mood swings with her behavior, but it’s not exactly different. In fact, sometimes it’s better now because she does forget instead of holding grudges. Sometimes she remembers the slightest a grudges for days.

Today she is giving me the silent treatment because I asked her to please be quiet because she kept asking me if I was okay every time she heard a noise in the kitchen. I was just putting up pots and pans and already told her I was okay twice. Now she’s pouting and accusing me of never spending any time with her when just yesterday she was bragging how well I take care of her.

If the social worker were to say “This isn’t your mom. This is the disease” I would have to say “No, this is my mom. Just on steroids.

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