Weight loss made me realize I was a lesbian

I (30f) finally decided to divorce my husband (34m, dating 9 years, married 4 years) I thought I was bisexual since I was a teen and I was out amd everything! but once I finally decided to leave I'm suddenly rethinking things. I don't know if I ever liked men for themselves or just for the validation I got from them. I was a fat kid who was bullied about lack of male desirability, I was called the d-slur before I ever knew what it meant. With the 2 men I ever dated I liked the idea that I was desirable, I liked that these men were nice to me, not dismissive, bisexual guys who "were secure in their masculinity" meaning kind of feminine, let me lead, but mostly just not disgusted by my body. I would intellectually decide I liked other things about THEM after the fact.

I feel so silly because I thought I was so smart and I knew myself so well back then. I was the president of my schools GSA, every history assignment was about the queer lib movement, my parents were openly supportive of the lgbtq community, all my friends wer/are queer except for my best friend who I had a very close possessive emotionally intertwined relationship with ( and we used to call each other on the phone to master bate together LMAO!)

It feels stupid because there was no reason for me to not just realize I was a lesbian. It would make sense if my parents were conservative or religious or something but it's not the case.

Now I've lost 150lbs and I've been focusing on myself the last two years trying to find myself again in motherhood (I have a 4yo son) my marriage has been hard these last 2 years or even longer. My husband is a sweet man at his core but he has AUDHD and he abuses substances and I've been dealing with resultant emotional/verbal abuse for some time. I've been thinking of divorce for about 2 years but never committed until I realized I'm a lesbian. And of course that feels even sillier. Like I won't commit to divorce for a stable life or happiness but I can do it to kiss girls 🤪