My girlfriend created on me and I can't stop spiralling

I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year now, when I received the dreaded hey girlie text. I feel as though it could've won in a competition for worst ever "ur partners cheating on ya!" Messages. I've been so crushed and I feel as though I've been crying for days. I broke up with her almost immediately but I just don't know what to do. I started to look back on our relationship a little and I feel as though our relationship was built on sex. Sex I never wanted. Sex I said no to. Sex that happened anyway. Some memories are more clearly coercive than others- I can remember crying helplessly as she had me do things, whereas some were more,,,, I think I agreed so she wouldn't complain and beg for it. I hate that no never meant no. I feel as though every relationship or close encounter I have is the same. I don't think anyone's wanted me without sex. I don't think anyone's wanted to love me. It sounds juvenile, I know, but every relationship I have has had a similar series of events. We get close, I feel safe, I have sex I never wanted. I hate sex. I hate it so much. I've never wanted it. I feel so hopeless, like no one will ever want to love me without the exchange. I feel lost. I feel as though I've been scrunched up like paper and thrown into a wet trash can so I'm soggy and yucky and no body wants to look at me. It's as if all these people have a group chat where they plan how to hurt me because how does this happen? It has to be my own fault at this point. I want to talk to someone but no one wants to listen. Even the anonymous helplines cut me off LMAO. I think I just want to be loved.