I just can't help myself

So, I have gone through many withdrawals and relapsed, but man this one has been the worst. Been on the 24/7 vodka for about a month or more. Tried to/trying to taper and obviously failing lol.

Blew up my life by telling my job that I won't be coming in anymore, and just basically stopped showing up. I've had cancer in the past(and actually may have it again) so used that to say I can't come to work

My partner is concerned obviously because I can barely function, like my diet is basically ramen and canned soup, and I am barely conscious most of the time.

Anyways, I guess I'm just posting to find people to relate to and can understand. I gotta go see my doc today, so I'm gonna ask if I can get some benzos for the panic attacks I've been having. Wish me luck!