58 yo mom w/ alcohol-induced dementia

Hi everyone. My mom is currently 58. She had gastric bypass surgery in the early 2000s and became a full-blown alcoholic not long after. For those who don't know, the surgery affects how you process alcohol so that it peaks your BAC higher and faster and makes you drunk longer. One drink for a gastric bypass patient is considered like two drinks for a normal person.

I don't know exactly when it started or how bad it was early on. I didn't live near them (mom and step-dad) and she lies about it. But about two years ago I helped them move to my current town to be near me and their grandson. It's become obvious that their lives revolve around weed and alcohol, to the point where most of their fixed income seems to go to weed, alcohol, and DoorDash. She's been suffering from dementia symptoms for a few years now, which i fully believe is alcohol-induced and have told her so, but she continues drinking heavily. A couple months ago she broke her shoulder and collar bone but has zero recollection of it happening. Last night I found out she's having seizures, which is probably how the broken bones happened.

Last summer, I had a surgery, which had a complication, and then I ended up back in the hospital with sepsis. It was about a month from the time I went for the surgery to the time I was finally ok again and walking normal. I didn't see them once during that time. Not a pop-in to check on me. Not an offer to come over and make dinner, watch my toddler, help out with anything. Nothing. And they live 15 minutes away.

There's so much more I could go into, but in the interest of keeping this relatively short and anonymous, I just need advice on how to go forward. My step-dad and she enable one another, are completely irresponsible with their health and finances, and are in complete denial about everything. She only calls me when she wants to tell me some new health development to make me feel sorry for her.

She apparently had a seizure Wednesday morning, didn't go to the ER but told her doctor about it on Thursday, who wanted to order a CT, but she turned down the CT because she says she can't afford the copay. I told her to do the damn CT and I'll pay for the copay, but I'm so frustrated because I know where their money goes.

I'm tired of the health drama and the financial drama and their cultivated helplessness and their inability to be a healthy part of mine or my son's life. I feel like I should cut them off. Other family has cut her off. Friends and in-laws and even a therapist have said I should cut her off. But I honestly don't know how and don't know if I can, especially after everything we did to move them out here. I'm so frustrated. 😪

Thanks for listening.