DAE feel really down because you seem selfish?

I’m married with 2 kids, late diagnosed. My husband and most of my friends are NT, both kids are autistic. I beat myself up a lot because my behavior APPEARS pretty selfish and self centered on the surface. Special interests, sensory needs, a busy inner world, needing time to myself, keeping up my appearance because it’s a big part of my masking, etc. I know that I’m not selfish at my core; if anything I care too much and have a ridiculous amount of empathy. But I know that from the outside looking in, I probably look very self involved and I hate it. But all these things feel so crucial to my emotional wellbeing and I’m not able to be a good wife, mother, or friend if I’m spinning out. Can anyone relate?