Sertraline and OCD *positive experiences only please!!!*

Hi friends,

I’ve struggled with severe anxiety and OCD for most of my adult life. 29F and from what I can remember the anxiety started around 12/13 years old and the OCD started to get really bad around 18ish. Since then I have become agoraphobic and have developed an obscene amount of OCD-influenced phobias. My main theme is psychosis and am constantly in fear of going through one. I believe this started when I worked at an inpatient psychiatric hospital and saw patients with it regularly. It’s like my ice latched onto that becoming a possibility for me. I’ve been prescribed sertraline but am so paranoid to take it because I am terrified of it causing me to go into… you guessed it… a psychosis. My fiance told me today that he’s becoming frustrated because we’ve been going on almost 4 years of being together and 4 years of me saying “I’ll start my meds soon” to no avail… his brother moved to Florida last year and he and his family have gone to visit him a few times and I haven’t been able to go because of the agoraphobia I’ve developed. I was working with an OCD specialist and couldn’t bring myself to do the exposures like driving far or taking my meds. I did drive a few times and did get a bit out of my comfort zone but then I stopped seeing him because it was too much money ($600 a month) side note: I wasn’t agoraphobic until COVID happened. I had a panic attack just before everything was shut down because I got lost driving home one night and my phone was dead. And then that same week everything shut down and it reinforced the fear of traveling for me. Previously, id been on planes and driven to NYC and was able to travel without worry.

I have all the intention and desire to heal and get better. I want to be able to travel and have a better quality of life. Right now I hardly do. I work, yes, and I’m finishing my masters degree, yes. But I don’t do much of anything else…

I say all that to say this. I am begging for positive experiences with sertraline. I know this is reassurance seeking behavior but I’m just spiraling when thinking about my meds making me sick or putting me in a psychosis or literally killing me. I don’t want to lose my fiance. I don’t want to be stuck to my town forever. I want a family, as does he, but I know that it wouldn’t be fair to have a child and never be able to bring them to Disney or to see Broadway shows (I’m a Broadway lover and have never been).

Please help. I’m so lost and it’s so scary but I know I need to take this step. I know I need to for my life to be mine again…