TL; DR having an extremely tough time, lonely and depressed

Hey folks,

I recently passed 100 days alcohol free, but I think it’s all too little too late.

In 2025 my mental health and, correspondingly, my drinking to self-medicate got worse. It culminated in my wife calling for a separation and a divorce. While she wants to eventually reestablish a positive relationship, we’re keeping very limited communication for a while.

I moved 1000 miles from home to be with her ten years ago, and when we split up I had no where to go but back home. The long and short is, I found myself within the span of a few days having lost my partner, my community, my friends, my cats, almost everything to move home, and I’ll have to live with my parents for some period of time in a place where I don’t really have nearby friends any more. I became suicidal, nearly killed myself, and was placed on a 3 day psych hold. After, I enrolled in a rehab program. I have not drank since.

I’m extremely isolated. I don’t really feel any hope for finding new close connections at my age, in terms of friends and especially another relationship one day. Especially at my age, I just feel too old for this to turn around. I miss my cats constantly (I asked for at least pictures of them, but she has not sent any). The job market has been extremely difficult, and I’m concerned about meaningful employment (previous job was not good in many ways, I don’t miss it or even really regret leaving it). I don’t feel any sense of hope, and the state of the world and news over the past few months only makes it worse.

I’m seeing a therapist but struggle daily with either passive suicidal ideation or at least believing the world would be better if I had never been born.

I feel weird posting here but I just feel so deeply isolated and I feel like I just need some sort of pick me up. Sorry for the sad story.

38M, Recovering but feeling depressed/hopeless