Can anyone relate to this feeling...

Im going to do my best to describe this in the hope someone here will understand..because all the people around me who aren't watching a parent disappear just don't get it...just like I didnt before my Mum got dementia. I have this anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach ALL the time...like I'm on call even though I in reality I'm not. My parents live just a few minutes drive away from me. My Dad is my Mums full time carer and is understandly struggling although wont actually say as much. Instead they will just turn up on the doorstep unannounced, often bearing gifts of some kind...so I tend to end up feeling guilty when I'd rather they didnt just show up. I avoid answering calls sometimes. Going to see them feels like a 'job' every time, even though sometimes I come away glad I visited. The next time I go to their house, I feel exactly the same sense of dread. It feels like I'm trying to avoid facing her decline and avoid having to try and be the peace maker between them when my Mum accuses him of things that aren't real. This feeling I have is consuming...like I cant get away from it. Its like a heavy weight I carry ALL the time. I look around me at other people and feel envious that they get to carry on with their lives, making choices for themselves while everything I do is determined by whether my Mum is having a 'good' or bad day, whether my Dad is coping ok...wondering how they are both doing in their home when nobody is there to see. Its like having small children again. There's this constant push and pull and honestly, it feels like the only way it will end is when my Mum passes - which makes me feel so guilty. Sorry for the ramble 😕