i don’t understand my feelings

i have never uploaded something like this in my life but i have nobody to confide with in this situation as the girl my best friend in this story is the one im having these emotions about the last year and a half me and my best friend have been kissing cuddling having “sex” we’re both girls so im not sure if you’d consider that goodnight texts everything during this time ive had 2 talking stages she knew about completely and i didnt truly like them i stopped talking to them after about a month she knew this as these boys had done me dirty before it was kinda like i wanted to get back at them, bad i know but she knew this and would make snide remarks be rude about it ect i just let it go since i assumed she was just looking out for me but this last few weeks a guy in her art class has been following her flirting with her ect she said she had no interest in him at all and claimed she never followed him back on any socials i later found out that she was lying and had added him back on everything (context she didn’t tell me about her boyfriend until we all hung out and he was like wtf does she not know she was talking to 2 guys never told me and i asked straight up she lied to my face until she finally admitted it of course this made me so unbelievably upset because i tell her everything i mean everything) but i gained a slight crush on him and he followed me on my socials and liked my videos while flirting with her ect hes a huge man whore i’d never actually go for him i struggle with self confidence so a slight bit of attention gets me going i know i need to work on it then 2 days ago she said oh i kinda do like him and then he added her now there talking but she’s still kissing me ect and all this other shit i don’t know what way to feel am i jealous she has someone who likes her and i don’t or that i like her or that i like him i don’t even know what to think of this situation ive been a bit snappy with her but like am i valid for being mad and upset and she keeps turning her phone and moving across the room from me to text him back meanwhile when i talk to someone she sees everything im not entitled to know everything but it still hurts what do i even do im having such bad anxiety about it that im getting pain in my stomach with diarhea no appetite and cheek acne when ive never had spots before