I need your support

This is an update to a post from 5 months ago, if you'd like some context go check it out (link in the comments)

Anyway I was basically thrown back in the closet because my parents chose not to believe me and say that I can either be straight or gay (but made it very clear they wouldn't accept it if I were gay or rather be miserable about it and I quote my mother: "cry every night". Side note: they're religious).

I'm finding it hard to be open up to them. I'm a guy with big emotions, and my first priority with many people is authenticity, and making sure that everyone is happy, but this can't be the case. This situation has hurt me so much that I started fantasizing about living alone, never marrying anyone to avoid the performance anxiety I feel when I'm interested in a woman, and the dread when I develop feelings for a man, that it would be better that way, for me and for them, even though they want me to get married.

I can try to come out again but I don't want them to blame it on my gay friend, or the environment or the mainstream. I just want them to say ok and move on with their fucking lives but they won't and it's tearing me apart.

Before tell me to wait until I leave home because frankly I cannot go on like this and trust me I have tried

I guess I just need some support from you people. I feel alone, especially when I know no other openly bi people in real life, and I don't have contact with the only openly gay family member I know Also I feel the need for my parents validation before I can come out to my big sisters, which is frustrating

Thanks for reading ❤️❤️❤️