why does no one talk about the guilt?

i feel so guilty of how much i eat. i feel guilty when i break a fast. why does no one talk about wishing to go back in time so you didn’t eat. i hate when i break a fast ill eat and eat and eat yet still feel hungry. i hate how mt day depends on the state of my body. my collar bones are defined? good day. my tummys hanging out a bit too much? i’m not eating for days. i also feel so invalid for getting ’special treatment’ from CAMHS because no sane parents t would would bring there child to the hospital because they didn’t drink for 24h. i feel like when i get diagnosed it’ll be because i kept on and not because i have AN. im not UW and i’m not sick.