Reflection on over friendly therapist?

Hi readers.

This is something that has been on my mind for months and I don't know how to wrap my head around it. Some professional insight might be helpful.

I left therapy a few months ago. I had been seeing my therapist for 3 years. It was my first time in therapy and I didnt know what to expect. I was recommended to her by a friend.

I was very keen on giving it a chance and after I met the therapist I had initially felt she was a good fit.

Although looking back there were a few red flags even in the first session.

During the first session: Firstly, I came out to her and the first thing she said was that she has a sense about these things, which right now gives me such an ick especially because she is straight and I don't appreciate people thinking they have a "gaydar" simply because they're aware of stereotypes.

Secondly, when I briefly opened up about my family dynamics including my struggle with my sexuality, she joked a little with "oh so you have brown people problems :)". Which again in the moment I guess it was mostly fine but something deep down made me feel not okay. For reference she may have been about 10 years older than me and of the same race but in a different religion. Even though we may have been of a similar culture something about that gave me a subconscious ick - I dont think I need someone of the same culture as me to understand and belittle my experience down to being brown.

As time went on, I noticed myself feeling less safe. For the most part we talked about general things around life stress and importance of routine and structure to manage work stress and it has been hugely beneficial. But I was never able to get past a surface level conversation with her. I absolutely could not get deep. Whenever we did get deep, and I talked about my childhood struggles it felt as though her style was to give me an explanation on behalf of my caregivers. Again going back to the brown community - she once told me that our elders have had it rough where when they may have wanted to have been doctors they ended up having to be cleaners. I completely get and emphasize with that but how does that help me deal with the emotions I have? Am I overthinking this?

I also once shared about how I was sent to boarding school for a year when i was 5. And i said that when I did go home, I hated being home alone when my parents needed go run errands and her response was "really?? I loved being alone as a child".

I also had an extremely dramatic breakup and she was eating up all the drama with wide eyes, without actually asking me how I felt. It was like gossiping with a friend almost. Which she admitted in the next session as she said I didnt even ask you how you felt about it all.

She also didnt ask me much about my relationship dynamics with the same sex and assumed that I was joined at the hip with my partner because she said "that seems to be how it goes with female relationships"

I dont know why i looked past all these moments. I guess I was also quite fond of her and maybe didnt know how to ask her upfront questions about her communication style but looking back im annoyed at myself for divulging so much.

Fast forward to where I really started feeling uncomfortable. I was in severe depression and burnout. I did however try dating again. But then realised I wasnt actually interested so I pulled away. In one session, she mentioned she had dinner with a friend of hers who is bi and usually dated men but is dating women now, and the friend said that she misses the quiet that comes with dating men. Now i did not bring up the conversation of dating, i had already said i dont want to date but it seemed like she came with an agenda to persuade me. She had said that she asked her friend why female relationships are so tumultuous and is it because of the hormones. I was incredibly taken aback but i didnt know how to communicate this at the time (from my current therapy it seems I have alexithymia so maybe thats where the delay comes from) i felt really weird with the question and also the fact that she was relaying this whole conversation with me unprompted. She then told me to try dating again and at the time i had went out on a date 2 guys (2 dates each so I barely knew them) and she gave me this whole speech about im denying joy of these 2 people. I was still polite after she was done even though i was spiraling. I said i appreciate the concern but im not interested.

She would also often start the sessions with 15 minutes of small talk, and often also told me about her husband and other patients.

A lot of the stories about other patients didnt have anything to do with me. Or atleast i didnt know how it related. She once told me that she was in group therapy and that a patient was speaking and that she (therapist) was thinking to herself "this is what your friends must ne experiencing with you and maybe why you have issues". Which i thought was a very judgemental thought process and why would she tell me that? It made me think what am i doing or saying that's leading to her judgement.

I also once shared how i was uncomfortable with my sexuality and i face a lit of Bi-phobia and then she shared a "joke" her colleague made about the B in LGBT not mattering.

Another thing is that she has a best friend that is gay but has severe internalised homophobia so its almost like she has adopted this humour around homophobia too and showed me this really unfunny reel about a guy making fun of trans people. Which made me really sad because i know that she works with teens who trans. On that note, once she again unpromptedly told me that her patient who she referred to as "my young man" decided he wants to be female. This comment seemed like it invalidated the teens choice and that her view of him being a young man is more valid. Again am i overthinking? I got to a point where I had a bit of a historically derogatory nickname for her and her behavior, in my head (f*g hag). It just seemed like she was giving herself a free pass for having gay friends.

The final straw was when she told me the name of her patient. She prefaced it with "i think i can tell you now because its been so many years". It was probably like 10-15 years ago. But this isnt an nda right? The therapist patient confidentiality has no time limit.

I have so many emotions around this and anger. And again im so upset with myself for not speaking up for myself or not leaving her sooner. How do i move past this?

I have a friend who sees her and who loves her and I was incredibly fond of her too until I stringed together all these little jabs I felt in my gut.

Thank you for reading thus far. And I will appreciate aby advice or possible new perspectives you may have