I feel really emotionally drained and used.

My stbx and I have a pattern that’s been repeating for a while. When we argue, he often walks out and goes to his parents house. One time after a really bad argument last year spring he actually injured my eye during the fight. Later that night he texted me “sorry that I cut your eye,” but at the time he didn’t really show much remorse in person. After that incident he moved all his stuff out, we separated and stayed with his parents for about a month. During that time my car got towed for parking in an assigned spot and he did help me get it out and helped fix it. Eventually I ended up asking him to come back, and he did after several attempts which I should’ve left it be done then.

Since then, we still argue sometimes (nothing like that incident), but the cycle keeps repeating tension builds, we argue, he leaves and goes to his parents, then he comes back calm and things are okay for a while. Weeks later another argument happens again.

It all comes from him not wanting to clean up our home and when he doss, it’s the very bare minimum clean meaning I still have to go behind him, when we finally share an off day together (we work opposite days) he just wants to be to himself or stay in bed. For example, yesterday I took our kids outside to play on their new scooters. He was supposed to join us, but he wanted to stay in bed instead, even though our 4 year old and myself kept asking him to come. When I tried to get him involved, I pulled the covers off him and he snapped, saying, “I’m not his mother” and that he “needs to leave my ass.” He stayed in bed while I sat outside alone, watching our kids play something that happens often then he called his parents to come pick him up saying I’m talking to him crazy so he needs to get out of here. They came to pick him up. Now I can’t stop wondering if they’re judging me although I know I shouldn’t even care.

Something else that confuses me is that he’s extremely soft-spoken and kind with his parents and other people. When they call him he’s calm and respectful but with me he says the reason he gets upset and talk to me the way he do is because of the way I treat him so I get it in return but I really don’t see it. I feel like all Ive ever asked for from him was the simplest things like a clean home, spending time together, etc and he says its a lot for him.

For context, we also have kids together, currently own a home so we still have to interact at least 1-2 a week regardless of what’s happening between us.

I know this relationship is unhealthy and I don’t want him back, but it still hurts. On top of that, when I finally stop reaching out or stop “bothering” him, he sometimes starts sending indirect messages just to get a reaction out of me. I end up responding or feeling drawn back in every time because I feel sorry for him.

What to do?