I broke no contact with my ex and talked on a call with him

For context, we have been in a relationship for 3 years, and we broke up in December 2024, so from that time to now there had been many instances where either he or I would break no contact, when both of us were vulnerable, down, or facing any health difficulties.

Once, 6 months ago, he had out of nowhere, without taking any accountability of what he did wrong and how he would correct it, he asked me to get back into a relationship with him.

The main reason why we broke up was because I was setting my boundaries saying I would not like to stay with his parents life long after we get married.

I even told him, one year I will stay with his parents, if it gets too difficult or if my boundaries were being crossed, we would have to move.

I even suggested we get a house in the same street/locality as his parents and visit them every now and then and care for them.

I 23F, asked him a question, if taking care of parents is the goal, then what about my parents?

they will also get old and will need help, are you willing to care for them too.

He literally did not have any answers, it was almost like he was flabbergasted.

In India, it has been a norm that a girl should marry a boy and leave behind her house and live with the boy's family.

Also, the main reason I even raised this issue was, He used to tell me that his mom used to say him that her daughter in law must at least do the cooking, even if she is working outside.

So he said he will also help me. This sentence triggered me because, its putting the main responsibility of cooking for the whole family on to me and he will just help me when he is free.

He also mentioned, that me asking these things and wanting to put boundaries are huge demands by me that he did not expect.

And he has told me how his mom depends on him for everything, from wanting him to build her a house to reduce her burden by marrying a good wife.

He said he will lie to her and me about what we say about each other to keep the peace in the family.

And when I asked if he will support me or take a stand for me during a conflict, he said it depends on whether HE thinks I am in the wrong or his mother is, if he thinks I am in the wrong, I would have to adjust. He will decide my feelings for me?

I am a person who always struggles with boundaries, always priortize others emotions over mine. Its so bad as to I cant even cut the call with someone even when I have an important work to do of mine.

So when I actually started putting boundaries, he felt that I was demanding something.

The last three months of our relationship was a disaster, I tried to keep the relationship together, he had become so distant from me that, I would cry silently without telling him, in the fear that he will break up with me as he had said, if you dont change yourseelf then I would have to break up with you, 3 months before the actual breakup.

When he got distant and avoidant, I started realising, how he had treated me throughout the relationship, I started telling him that.

Throughout the relationship, I was made to feel like I am the problem, I need to change, I need to not overreact.

Yes, I agree that I was impulsive, emotionally reactive, but there was always like 0 accountability on his side.

Whenever I tried to express my feelings I would be shut down. Guilt tripped that I am overreacting and made to feel bad about it.

He was always a good guy and I was always a villain.

I am sorry I got carried away, so recently I was depressed and doing really bad, not having any friends, just alone.

I texted him hello and I deleted it, but he sent a message saying he had yearned for this message.

Our last interaction was when he had texted me, by using a lame excuse instead of directly asking "can we speak?"

So I had been rude to him and cut the conversation.

But I never really got over him, I used to watch his instagram stories with my fake account.

So when he said he yearned for my text, somehow I felt the need to speak with him, and also clear out for being rude to him the last time. He mentioned feeling hurt over that.

So we decided to speak on call, and in the call, we catched up on each others life and also spoke about the incident.

But I felt empty after that, because I had hoped he had changed because he said he waited for me. I hoped he would understand me erc

So I wanted to know if he had, and we had another call, I got to know that he is the same after all and he took 0 accountabilty whatsoever for the breakup, while I accepted my part. '

He was getting so defensive. But in the moment, I got carried away in conversation, it is always about him and what he did, anyways at the end of the call he asks me if we can be friends with benefits .

I did not know how to react,I felt disrespected but I didnt tell him, I just said I dont think so that will work for me.

But after he had asked me, I felt depressed, I felt was I only a body for him all this time?

Then what about the time in the beginning of our relationship, he would worship the ground that I walk on. Treat me with care and understand me.

But that started to change as the relationship progressed.

I felt disgusted, that he even asked me that. While I know, that he must be in a different mindset by now, but I still felt wronged.

He texted me again, so I asked him, how could he say that, and that all I got was disappointment from him.

So he says, that I asked him if we could be friends so he suggested that we be friends with benefits. And in the bigger picture it would mean a relationship.

I never said that, I am very clear that I DID NOT say such a thing, he kept saying that I make him feel like a creep, that he would never have asked me that if I had not asked him if we could be friends.

He is constantly saying that that is his reality.

And I said no I did not say it many times, so he some sorry just to end conflict.

He has consistently shown me that he wont stand with me in difficult times.

But I still have feelings for him, or rather since I am depressed I am looking for someone to lean on.

Why do I think he will change?

Its been 1 year and three months and I am still stuck.

What do I do ?