Divorce? Or do I need to communicate more and stop trying to find the easy way out.

I’ve been with my husband for 3 years, married for 1, and I honestly don’t know if I’m seeing my marriage clearly anymore or if I’ve been trying so hard to make excuses that I’ve lost perspective.

We started as friends with benefits while both getting over exes. At first, he didn’t even want a real relationship with me because he openly felt I wasn’t attractive enough or what he wanted. He was still obsessed with his ex and would do anything for her even though she ignored him. After dating a few other girls, he eventually said I was the one who actually matched the life he wanted a family, business, stability.

Our relationship had good moments in the beginning, but there were always problems underneath. His younger sister became extremely hostile toward me….mocking me, disrespecting me, calling me names, turning people against me….and he would rarely defend me because he hates conflict. I felt abandoned watching him stay silent while I was being torn apart.

Over time our fights became toxic. I’ll be honest: I can be sharp with my words when I’m angry. I know how to argue hard. But when fights escalated, he has punched me in the face, squeezed me so hard I couldn’t breathe, and broken things to shut me up. Afterward he apologizes, and somehow life keeps moving.

I wanted counseling before marriage because intimacy was already fading. He blamed testosterone issues, low attraction, stress…something always. If I didn’t arrange counseling, he wouldn’t go. Eventually he stopped trying.

Then I got diagnosed with cancer.

During treatment I needed emotional support more than ever. Sometimes all I asked was for him to pray with me because my faith was what kept me grounded. He would say he didn’t know how, or act annoyed, or make it about how hard it was for him to watch me suffer, even while I was being told I might only have months to live.

During chemo, after another fight involving his sister, he punched me in the face again. That scared me deeply because I was physically fragile and already overwhelmed.

Financially, my military disability covers our household bills, health costs, and most of our life. He works, but my income carries the home. I even helped him get healthcare and paid for his testosterone treatment. Yet I still felt like I had to beg him for basic support, especially during cancer treatment.

He skipped appointments because of work, including important cancer appointments, surgeries, radiation, even my final bell-ringing appointment unless I rescheduled around his schedule multiple times. Meanwhile if he had back pain, he’d take the day off immediately.

It hurt because I kept asking myself: why do I have to beg my own husband to show up for me when I’m fighting cancer?

We haven’t had sex in months. Even before that, affection slowly disappeared. I have to ask him to hold my hand, ask if I’m still pretty, ask for dates, ask for flowers, ask for attention, ask for effort. I feel like I’m constantly explaining how to love me instead of being loved.

When I brought concerns to his family, his sister told me that if he punches me, it’s because I pushed him too far and I should just stay quiet.

That broke something in me.

I cook, clean, run errands, keep the house peaceful, try not to burden him, and still feel unwanted. My birthday is coming up and he hasn’t even asked what I want. I feel lonely while married.

People around me have asked if he’s using me, especially because I have an inheritance coming and because financially I provide stability.

He buys gifts sometimes. He can be thoughtful in moments. But then it fades, and I’m back to feeling like I’m too much for wanting simple things: dates, dancing in the kitchen, affection, effort, emotional safety.

I’m in therapy now, but I still feel lost.

The physical thing isn’t constant only when the fights are heated bad. It’s once in a while. Not like daily. Do I feel scared? Ya so I don’t yell or scream as much as I used too.

Am I asking for too much, or am I staying in something that is breaking me…. I love him… but does he truly love me…

He says he’s trying…