[Update] AITA for telling my future SIL I may not be able to attend her wedding?

Original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/s/sVwPDwnhB2

Thank you all for making me feel not crazy about this 😭 some minor comments/updates since the original post:

1. Yes we're still worried about COVID. We get our boosters every year and mask whenever we travel and still get sick. So, fully avoiding COVID isn't a realistic option. Also, the booster minimizes symptoms, assuming they get the strain right. It doesn't outright prevent COVID. Double also, (not to get political but...) our government has actively made it harder for people to get boosted so, we're anticipating more COVID cases in the future. Just because the media doesn't cover it as extensively anymore, doesn't mean it isn't a real threat to people's health and lives.

2. While it would be great to elope-ish to Europe, we had already put non-refundable deposits down on the venue, caterer, and florist. So that would be not ideal.

3. There are a lot of young children on both of our sides, so coming to the US for 3 weeks wouldn't be feasible since they have school.

Onto the updates... (~a month after the original post)

According to future MIL, Lucy is going around and telling all the family members that she's now scared of me because I yelled at her, wasn't happy for her, and ruined her wedding. Gary reassured me that I definitely did not yell at her, but was firm and stood my ground. So, I think y'all in the comments are right - I think she wanted to ask for our thoughts to appear considerate but didn't actually want to hear them...

Also, according to future MIL, grandmother made an off-hand 91-year-old comment about hoping to make it to Lucy's wedding in 2027, which we think stirred this whole drama. I understand where Lucy is coming from. I would give anything to have any of my grandparents at my wedding, but I also feel that if she wanted grandmother there, she could make it more convenient and easier for grandmother.

SO! Gary and I talked about a potential solution to all of this. We thought it would be nice to have a small joint engagement party or pre-wedding celebration in grandmother's hometown in early 2026. This way, Lucy, Mitchel, Gary, and I could all celebrate with all of the European family, this way they wouldn't feel pressured to attend either or both of our weddings, since it's a larger financial burden for them than us (we only have fur babies).

Lucy didn't like this. She said it wasn't a reasonable solution. I said that she and Mitchel could just go. She said they couldn't take off that much work. I said if they were worried about Grandmother's health they could go over the Christmas/New year's holiday. She said that wasn't enough time to plan anything.

Since that didn't happen, they decided to have their wedding in May 2027. All of their vendors were available then. She bought her wedding dress about 4 months ago. She also decided to plan her and Mitchel's joint bachelor/bachelorette trip in September 2026. Gary is a groomsman and said he couldn't go, which again caused an uproar. Lucy said Labor Day weekend was the ONLY weekend that would work between now and May 2027. We said that was fine but that we will be doing last minute planning for our own wedding and that Gary couldn't attend. Unhappy with this boundary, she finally dropped it.

I feel a little better going through all of this knowing Lucy has also caused drama with one of her bridesmaids lol misery loves company I guess. Two months ago, Lucy asked her best friend, Sally, of 20+ years to be her maid of honor. Sally has been struggling mental health wise over the last few years due to personal issues, but she said yes to being MOH. Then, Lucy told Sally she could be her MOH but wasn't allowed to attend the bachelorette trip because she "didn't want to worry about her [accidentally mixing meds and alcohol]" although Sally stopped drinking completely ~6 months ago.... Okay, so Sally stepped down from MOH, pretty upset. Then a week ago, Lucy asked Sally and one of her sisters if they would be willing to throw her bridal shower. Sally asked me if she was overreacting in feeling uncomfortable with this request. I said that the request felt pretty tone deaf and totally ignored the fact that she's no longer MOH. I also told her she didn't have to do it if she didn't want to. Sally responded to Lucy that she wouldn't be comfortable hosting the shower and ... That's the last I heard.

I've read a lot of stories that weddings bring out the worst in people. I feeeeeel like this is another case of that. But idk maybe I'm just sensitive to Lucy-driven-wedding-drama

I'll update if there's anything worth updating about. If not, thanks for the support potatoes 🧡 love Charlotte and this community she's helped build 🧡