Matchmaking lobbies: The average experience

It always starts the same way, I join the game and one or two people have already left. Not really a big deal, hopefully these teammates are good enough to compensate for our lack of a full team, right?

First floor, Looey insists he'll distract, Gourdy's running around like he doesn't have 1 star stealth, and Rodger is begging me to give my machine to him (the answer is no). Halfway through the floor, I hear the infamous deafening crunch, and surprise surprise, it's Gourdy. Wow, it's almost like he has 1 star stealth and he probably shouldn't be running around in the area that the twisteds are being distracted! I finish my machine, with Rodger STILL there, and I see someone on the last machine, so I pop the "Get to Elevator" sticker, but apparently Squirm misread it for "Use your ability and spend half of Panic Mode eating a bookshelf and wasting everyone's time" because that's exactly what he did, and he ended up getting hit because of it.

Floor 2, and we're met with a bandage on the floor, which is taken by anyone but the people who need it. The twisteds are R&D and Rodger, and that's a good thing for those who have the survival instincts of someone over the age of five. ...And Tisha's already on one heart. She's using the vintage skin, so she's definitely not a beginner and has no real excuse.

Floor 3, and the elevator cards are: Frugal, Avaricious, and Piping Tape. You can guess what they all went for- That's right, Frugal. The elevator opens, revealing twisted Glisten, and the other is Squirm, so you know everyone rushes around to gather research, forcing me to babysit Glisten until they're ready to do machines. For some reason, Rodger inserts himself into the role of babysitting while I'm doing it, but I don't really mind. At least my Gust will be of good use, or not because seeing him get hit would be a tad bit funny. Regardless, I place down my Gust and he avoids it, getting hit. Eh, at least he won't be able to blame me.

Floor 4, and it goes the same as any other floor, except for Yatta getting hit, and on Floor 5, my teammates collectively have a small celebration because they made it to this point, and Rodger's going feral because we don't have a Main yet.

Floor 6, we get twisted Astro and Toodles, and you can guarantee Rodger is running around Looey like a mosquito for a slight bit of aggro. Once Looey gives Astro to the Rodger, I hear a crunch. I helplessly watch as Eclipse finishes the machine I primed, even though we aren't halfway through yet. Squirm's crashing out because there's no bookshelves in sight, and he has to deal with an eighty second long cooldown. We finish the floor, and someone gets hit, but it was the Shrimpo who was camping at elevator the entire time, so I don't really care.

Floor 7, and the team proves they share a singular braincell when it comes to decision making skills. Looey gets hit somewhere along the line, just the average floor other than that.

Floor 8, and Tisha gets hit by R&D again (Thankfully for her, she had that bandage from Floor 2) and the other twisted is none other than Pebble. Rodger does exactly what he did with Astro, except for not having to pester Looey because he's hiding behind a table with me. We all somehow survive.

Floor 9, and everyone chooses Dyle. Everyone dies, to cut it short. Rodger fails a skill check, gets Shrimpo killed. Eclipse proceeds to remind us why "productive" is not part of her vocabulary before Dyle wipes her off the face of the earth. Tisha gets killed by Brusha, Poppy, and Cosmo. Looey thought he could distact Dyle, you know how that went. Squirm was using his ability and got what is the Dandy's World equivalent of being ran over by a bullet train, Rodger sacrifices himself to Dyle for research, and I'd be lying if I said I survived. Got halfway through, and got the Squirm treatment.