Dream about my brother being violent

Tw: murder, sa, domestic abuse, alcohol

okay so I’ve had 2 dreams about my brother being super violent to me and tonight it was about me and his girlfriend. from what I know, my brother does not have a girlfriend as of now but let’s get on with the the actual dream. I was in my college dorm and I was studying with my friends late at night and my brothers house was across the street so it was about 6 flights of stairs to get from my dorm and his house. I remember him and his girlfriend arguing with me and because I wouldn’t let them stay in my dorm and pretty soon he started beating me up, when I woke up I saw him having sex with his girlfriend who was bruised while both of them didn’t have clothes on. I remember my right eye being puffy so badly I couldn’t see anything and the girlfriend was barely conscious and had bruising on her eyes as-well. I remember calling the police while he was doing that to her and my voice was cracking and (as your having a panic attack) I couldn barely breathe while on the phone. I remember him laughing at me because I couldn’t speak or breathe. After the phone call he grabbed the phone and smashed it on my head and I passed out again. When I woke up this time I was at his place with both of my legs being broken. I remember he was asleep at the time and I couldn’t see his girlfriend anywhere so I had to use my arms to crawl into the second floor of his house to find her, she was laying on the ground with shots and normal upper body clothes on but her head had a huge bump. It was around mid-day so when I woke her up to cover her mouth before she started screaming and instructed her to go into the dorms and call the police while also telling the guys there (since it’s co-ed) to protect the doors while also getting security. She got up before me and ran. I remember crawling up the 6 flights of stairs on the side of the building with my arms and I was about mid-point of the stairs when it was around 6pm. My last memory is my brother racing up the same steps I was climbing on, not even making it up the half point myself. I forced myself out of the dream not wanting to see the outcome. I woke up in the real world and have been shaken ever since.

The second dream I had was about 5-6 months ago where me and him were walking at night together so we decided to get onto a bus, that same bus driver started rushing into traffic and killing people by driving into them. My brother got excited and took my wrist so we both ran to the front. The girl was young, maybe her mid-twenties and had a bright smile on her face. I looked at her and my brother and he was smiling as well. I remember smiling awkwardly because I didn’t want to be the next victim. My brother grabbed my phone and threw it out the window, shattering the bus glass while all three of us sat and watched as they both took turns on the bus as I refused the offer to drive. After that was over we were all walking to this huge building, what I later found out was my college and a concert stadium. As we were walking they both asked me if I would ever tell anyone what happened and I laughed saying “why would I ever do that?” Knowing my lying ass was telling the first person I saw😭😭 apparently they sensed this or something because they stopped laughing and stared at me directly for about 3 minutes. Since we were already close to the building I ran inside as they both started chasing me. I remember seeing a college campus as soon as I opened the doors, it was a bright sunny day with partial clouds in the sky. I ran into another building which seems was the administration office and begged a teacher or a front desk worker to call the police. I remember my voice giving out and I couldn’t speak and they kept trying to help me get my words out but then I looked out the window (which the office was covered by windows) and they were both SPRINTING to get inside. I remember running into another office without knowing what it was and it led me to underground tunnels within the college. I ran as fast as I could but with me being afraid and out of breath from running previously, I could only muster a jog. Eventually I ran into this concert stadium where I found my little cousin and her baby brother, telling her it wasn’t safe for the both of them. Inside the stadium was dark, where only the stage lights and lighting effect lit up the room. I remember being afraid of every move and eventually the entire place went on lockdown. I heard gunshots and I immediately grabbed both of them and hid in this room. The room was basically the edge of a flooring but there was a door leading into the place and I couldn’t get the door unlocked trying to get back so we were trapped. The view was the main concert stage and a small platform in the middle while also being able to see the railing at the top of the cieling. Eventually my brother hacked into the concert lighting and tvs and he broadcasted onto a tv where the entire building could see where he explained when he found me he was going to make sure I never told anyone what happened. After that speech someone fell from the roof railing face first not the small platform on the ground, where I woke up from the thud. When I awoke all I could think about is how my little cousin and her baby brother saw everything. But I immediately told my friends and grandmother.

On the contrary, my brother and I’s relationship isn’t the greatest, as he has had sexual assault “allegations” against this girl from when he was 16. He’s 19 now and from what i believe is that he really did it. One of his ex girlfriend’s moms was a lawyer and he still keeps in contact with her so while he has court, he asked her to represent him. While in the car with my grandma and him kn the front seat, i remember him admitting that even if he did do the crime then she would find a way to make sure the court thought he didnt so he’d be free. I haven’t had a great relationship with him since then.

My brother hasn’t physically laid his hands on my violently or anything but I remember he was drunk one time and kept telling me that if he ever killed himself then it would be my fault since I don’t love him. I’m afraid that I have been refraining from telling him I love him ever since I found out what he did. He’s also an alcoholic and so hard drugs and since our mother was a drug addict and our father is an alcoholic.. I’ve strayed away from doing both things and never want to associate myself with anyone who does so. Hes always telling me he’s going to kill himself when he’s drunk and that I never love him because I don’t say it. I feel like a pos because while he’s dramatically milking the words I don’t say into something hateful, I don’t necessarily disagree with what he says and I hate myself for it.

Anyways, could anyone tell me what this means? I’m a bit aware that he’s projecting stuff onto me and trying to make me feel what he felt but I need to know the full picture. Any comments are appreciated 😅