I cheated on her and we are not okay...

I know, you'll be like "Why did you do it? HOW did you do it?" once you read the title. But let me try to tell the story.

She pursued me, tbh. She was the one that likes me first, made the moves and such. Of course, I have fallen in love with her. She's a great woman with a great personality (and body), I might say. Everything was going smooth for the both of us until she was banished from their house just 'cause she was caught using contraceptive pills. It's a taboo here in our country if a couple that is not yet married had sex and such, they always thought that I will impregnate her. This is where everything went wrong for the both of us. She was taken care of her mother who works outside of the country and they lived in their aunt's house. We always had fights because she had a traumatic experience in that house (she was raped by her cousin who was also living there). I mean, she has their own house on that city as well but they can't live there because her other aunt is currently living there. They were ignored, her mother keeps on giving money for that house and they were the one suffering so they moved, together with her brother.

When they started to move, it became trickier for the both of us. They had dogs, a lot of dogs, 5 to be exact, and with a house that small, where they lived, I mean, it's easy to pick up the poop or at least clean the pee of the dogs. But when I always visit the house, it seems like it is a disaster. Poops everywhere, pees everywhere. I am always the one who's cleaning up for the both of them even though they're just students. During that time I always tell her to clean up the mess after house such as washing the dishes, picking up the poops of their dogs, and cleaning up the pees but whenever I visit, I will be the one that will do it for the both of them and this is another argument for the both of us. Her and her brother will always complain if I will clean out of nowhere in the middle of the night just because I cannot stand the smell of the bed or the whole house.

And she promised me one thing: when they move to a bigger house and once she works, the situation will be different.

So they moved.

But let me tell you: it is much worse.

So, we moved together into this house, near his father's house actually, and we are both working now. I decided to live with her because I cannot take the toxicity of my family but that is another side of the story. I've always been the black sheep of the family even if I am the oldest one and I got to take my college degree that I didn't even want to have. Going back, situation's just the same: poops everywhere, pees everywhere, trash everywhere. Seems like I am not living with a woman. I'm on a night shift work so I always come home early in the morning and I always arrive having seeing how messy the house is. Her dogs even killed my cats, not once, but THRICE. I always told her to at least, put a muzzle on her dogs' mouths but she won't listen.

Another problem is that, she always borrow money from other people. Taking loans and such, saying that she'll buy things for the house but not buying anything in the end. I understand that she is a person that gives things to other people but I always tell her to leave some for herself. But she won't listen, she wouldn't budge. And she always pay for the loans of her father, even though that will be her last money. And also, she's using my accounts, bank accounts, to loan for money.

I've already communicated everything to her, told her a lot of times that she should do this and that. But she won't just listen.

So, I got tired. I went to see my ex and we talked, I let out what I always wanted to get off my chest and something did happen. Not an actual intercourse but that's that. She found out about it and she can't accept it, of course. We both ended everything during that night so I went home to my parents. But she wanted me to come back, to fix everything. But it seems like it is not really working out.

I am still here, picking up her dogs' poo, cleaning the house, and she always got to go outside, come home late, going into her friends' house. I don't know if she's not a responsible woman when it comes to her pets and she always tell me not to scare off her dogs but she can't even do those kind of things despite of my cats dying because of her pets (mind you, we always lock the doors where my cats are in and her dogs still manage to open the door and kill the cats). My friends always tell me to leave her but I just seem can't and I don't know why. I mean, I'm not a socially active type of person but I cannot even unwind because she is always not in the house. What if something gets destroyed again? What if my cat, the only one that's left will be killed again? And when I speak up, I am in the wrong? It is always my mistake? I know, cheating is much worse but this is just tiring.