i (25m) am growing resentful over my girlfriend's (22f) laziness

just for context we have been together for years, part of it long distance, and she moved in with me last year. i don't consider myself a clean freak but i'm definitely a work first relax later kind of guy. i have a personal project i've been working on every day for nearly a year that takes up a lot of my free time so i prefer to do what needs to be done so i can get in at least 30 minutes every day.

my gf has always been a bit lazy but i chalked it up to a rough upbringing or trauma or something like that. i've been really permissive of it but sometimes it really gets to a point. dishes left in the sink for days. candy wrappers all over the floor. not to mention she very rarely cooks anything and when she does she will never wash the dishes in a timely manner so a lot of the time i will try to help her to get the ball rolling and show her how easy it is but she takes it for granted.

the thing is, she does NOT react well if i bring any of this up. something as simple as "can you wash the dish you left in the sink it's been there for 2 days" has triggered a full meltdown where she is screaming and crying and yelling at me for not caring about "her feelings" or whatever. i being up how her not doing her dishes makes me feel bad because if we have kids i want to raise them with accountability then all the sudden i'm the bad guy.

here is another instance. i asked her to go to the store yesterday on her way home from work while i was already at my parents house cleaning up HER mess before i had to pick them up from the airport. she gets upset with me because she's "broke" and when i just said ok she kept dragging it like it's not okay for me to ask because it makes her upset (i offered to send money and she declined). she gets home and won't talk to me or help me do anything for the first few hours she's there because i did the cardinal sin of asking her to do something.

so later on when i'm about to leave for the airport i ask once more if she needs any help bringing anything to her car and i get a cold "no" so i just left to go to the airport. when i'm in the line to pick my folks up she texts me that she left one of our cats there because she couldn't find him (we agreed that she would take the cats and i would take the litterbox, i drive a small coupe so very little space) and i told her that she needs to get him before i get back. of course, i knew the request wouldn't bode well but i just hung up because i didn't want to hear whatever she had to say about it. i was just pissed off at the concept that we agreed on how something should be done and she just folded and made it my problem once again.

when i got back to our apartment, she put absolutely nothing away and already went to bed, so i spent the first 20 minutes or so being home putting some of it away before i ate my dinner (which i got myself because she doesn't cook). i go to bed on the couch because i'm feeling resentful and honestly had the best sleep i've had in what felt like weeks.

anyways this morning she talks to me and asks if i'm upset with her (usually when we sleep separately somethings up) and i told her that she needs to clean up after herself more. same reaction as usual, she's sobbing in the other room now. she even melodramatically put the pan she left in the sink for a week in the dishwasher (i've told her time and time again that it can't go in there because it's too big and stops it from cycling). she was telling me she is tired (she always is) and somehow that makes everything my problem and my fault. she brings up instances where i've left something out or clothes on the floor or something and i said "the difference is i would just pick it up instead of freaking the fuck out for even being asked to." and i think that boils it down best.

at this point what do i do? i want to think it's getting better but it's not. i don't want my kids to be lazy like she is and that is my biggest fear. maybe my standards are just higher but i think if we both held ourselves accountable things would be best

tl;dr my gf is lazy and hostile if i ask her to do anything