29 and lost my Mum to cancer

At the end of January I lost my Mum. She was diagnosed with melanoma in October 2024, in September 2025 she was told it had spread too much and she had 6-12 months.. of course we expected to have at least 6 months.. on January 5th I got the call saying something was wrong and she couldn't move one side of her body, the cancer had gone to her brain and a bleed left her partially paralysed. I knew deep down that this was it, that time had finally run out. She was in hospital until the 13th on high dose steroids before she was brought home for us to care for her for her final days. She passed on the 20th, surrounded by family like she wanted.

I feel so completely alone. I'm 29, I thought I'd have my mum with me when I had kids, I thought we'd have more time. I'm not just grieving her, I'm grieving the future I thought I'd have with her in it. She was always there, we talking on the phone multiple times a week, often for an hour or more at a time. We had a complicated relationship growing up, but we were finally getting to a better place and now she's gone.

I'm so sad, but I'm also so angry.. that's the one thing I wasn't expecting. Every day little things get easier, but other things get harder. People try to understand, try to be there for you, but they don't understand it really. You're supposed to lose your parents when they're older, not before they even reach 60. They're supposed to retire, see their grandkids grow up.. they're supposed to have more time than that.

No one in my real life can relate, they all have their parents still or lost them a lot older. I just feel lost and alone. Everyone says it gets better, and I know it probably will, but right now it feels too big, too raw, too real..