Shame has dictated my entire life for 41 years

And I didn't know it until now.

It was the silent background noise, the "I'm not good enough," "Don't do that or you'll fail!" "Look how stupid you are, you can't do anything right," "Don't notice me, don't look at me, stay invisible."

It was that invisible puppeteer that stopped me from dreaming, stopped me from finishing that book, from finishing that course, from graduating uni, from pushing myself just enough to be someone more.

It's the silent saboteur that crushed my true self into submission.

Don't express your true self. Don't speak unless you're masked. Don't become more because more is dangerous. More is exposure. More is pain.

So many years of my life wasted to shame. So many years I could have been a real, confident, capable human being. And even now it won't even let me grieve for all the abuse and suffering I've endured, "You're not allowed to feel. That's for them and that's for us to take care of. Shut up, ignore and hide your pain."

Shame has robbed me of my capacity to believe I am a whole, valid, worthy human being.

What has shame taken from you?