Moving from passive to active

I don't really know where to post this, but I just needed to get it out. The past year of my life has been awful. Well, my cptsd is from childhood trauma that feels miniscule in comparison now. I have suffered with MDD for about 20 years, but it was manageable (even when i was raped at 29)...until now. I had a breakdown in may because of all of the stress of work- it flared up my MS (PPMS) symptoms and I was physically and mentally broken. It took a lot of therapy and work on myself to pull myself out of it. I made some unwise decisions in my personal life that was a huge cry for help, i just didnt realise it at the time. Just getting back to normal, and I got a final written warning at work for something I never did. It was hard, but I got through it. Then January 17th happened. I discovered my bf of 10 years was sleeping with our next door neighbour.... for a year! My friend. I was destroyed. My entire life has been a lie. Every little thing over the past year has been falsehood. He told her that he loved her. But i am trying to forgive him (i'm very used to taking a lot less than i deserve). I have no safe space left. The suicidal thoughts were only ideation until last night. During a sports game (mixed genders), a guy threatened to rape me and I raised it. He denied it and his whole team became nasty to me. Then my team gave him man of the match...chosen by my coach, who happens to be my bf. Not once did he ask me if I was ok, but he did tell me that im making this difficult for him. This made me realise I really am nothing. I can't do this anymore. I have my date, my method and my location. This isn't a cry for help, more of a release of everything that hurts. I've got a little while to get my affairs in order, but i'm just done with being traumatised over and over again.