Im losing hope that I will ever accept this life

I'm about to have a 3rd baby this summer, theres going to be 3 under 3. I feel like my gf and I just randomly decided to have kids shortly after meeting, and after the first one I was deciding it wasnt for me. I was convinced that having another would be best for everyone so I got on board. Then this next one was a 100% accident.

Anyways, I cant fucking stand them. I get that they are just babies. But the constant needing to change diapers, and feed them is getting to me. I am working a shitty job because I have no choice. I hate my gf we never have sex because I am disgusted that she made and keeps making these kids. I have no time to myself EVER. I started taking secret days off work to go swimming at the pool but she found out and because I've cheated on her in the past said that its a breach in trust. So here I am a fucking slave to this life.

Has anyone successfully abandoned their families, like im willing to pay child support I'd even be down to do 50/50 custody. But I cannot continue to be around these kids every day for the rest of my life.

I hate them. I hate the constant screaming. I hate how they need attention. I have how my entire existence is being a fucking buttler and nanny to them.

Fuck This Shit