Living with in-laws feels unnatural and should be discouraged. Thoughts?

I’ve always been someone who was against living with in-laws as I’ve lived in a multigenerational household my whole life, and witnessed my mum being treated like a household slave. I even made this clear to my MIL when I first began the talking stage with my now-husband. Given financial circumstances, I had to compromise and move in with them. Generally I feel grateful to have them as in-laws, but we’re nearly a year in, and I’m just getting fed up and feel frustrated.

Psychologically, it just doesn’t make sense for a newly married woman to now play the role of a daughter and extra member of a family unit whilst also adjusting to being a wife. The priority should be your husband but it gets conflated with giving time to your in-laws, appeasing their needs, putting on your best face when in the house with them even on days where you’re feeling low, or you’re stuck in the house with them whilst your husband is working. There’s a level of loneliness that can’t be explained, even if you have the kindest in-laws in the world. The power imbalance is stark. You are entering THEIR space, trying to emulate their routine and familial standards, and you start to feel stifled because you already have a family and standards that you’re now expected to distance from? It’s ridiculous.

I’m not sure if other women feel the same way. And for the men who think this family set-up is normal, please look to our own faith to understand that the in-law dynamic was never a thing and is purely cultural. However, we’ve been guilt tripped into continuing this tradition under the guise of respecting parents and giving them their due right. This can happen whilst also honouring the right of your wife to have her own place!