How do you do it?

How do you do it? Happily stay at the edge of this ledge and not have the urge to jump? I feel like I’m so deep in compulsion to take that step. I can’t stand here forever, it’s eating me from the inside out. It feels like your roots are engrained in my brain and body and I have no way of pulling them out. On one hand I wish they were not there but on the other I want them to spread and take over me. I want you so bad, I can’t do normal tasks without you appearing in my brain wondering what you’re thinking about, what you think about me and the situation we’re in, if it’s all a game to you… if you get kicks out of doing this to me. I’m really hurting not having you as mine. I want you so bad, is that selfish? I’ve never felt this amount of yearning for another person. I love you, this isn’t a silly crush anymore. I feel embarrassed how I feel about you, I should not be feeling this way. If we could have one night together it would put my mind at rest, I need to know how you feel and if you feel this way with me too. All the signs are there but are you just enjoying what you are doing to me? It feels unfair and I can’t keep doing it it’s making me ill. Please just tell me how you’re feeling, I don’t want to loose you forever. I don’t know if you know how much you mean to me but I have done this dance before, you’re playing with the wrong person.

Why invest so much in someone who you have no intention of taking? Or is it just all in my head? Please just come and get me. Don’t leave me here. I couldn’t bear it.