I think this might actually be forever

It's been a little over 2 months. His daughter has said she thinks of me is family. His house feels safe and I'm antsy when I'm at my apartment. I don't sleep well in my own bed anymore.

More importantly, he's joy and laughter and connection and exploration. He is open communication and utterly unafraid of the strength of my personality. In fact I actually think his is the stronger personality between us but we're both so used to reigning it in that I'm not sure yet. He has an intensity of emotion that I had taught myself not to engage in by the time I was a teenager. He masks and controls it well but he feels things all the way to the bottom of his heart.

I'm eating more consistently and sleeping through the night more than I have in years. Because something about him calms my nervous system.

His intelligence and his ability to multitask and focus is utterly astonishing. He's one of the smartest people I've ever met. And his creative genius takes my breath away. I'm blown away by the opportunity to contribute to his projects. It's so much f****** fun!

Everything is fun with him. No matter what it is we end up giggling together. He has the most beautiful smile and I love the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs.

I think the first time I talked about wedding rings or planning a fantasy wedding I was trying to scare him off. In a rip off the Band-Aid and get it over with kind of way. Instead he nodded and smiled along and added his own details. And he says with perfect confidence that I'm his future. And I don't run terrified of being trapped.

I find my domestic instincts awakening again. It's been a long time because as soon as I get the impression that a man expects domestication of me it turns off like a switch that I have no control over. Yes I cook and clean better than he does. Frankly I cook and clean better than a lot of people. But in this case it's fine because this is an actual partnership. He was nervous to cook for me but he made the most amazing lasagna. I can't make a lasagna I've always been too intimidated to try it; he made it look easy.

And now I'm not just craving him. I'm craving family time with Mazy. When I go over there to watch movies with them it's me she curls up on the couch again. For a couple years now both he and her mother have thought to get her to brush her hair because she's so tender-headed. But she let me teach her dad how to brush it properly so that it wouldn't hurt and how to braid it so she wouldn't have to brush it as often.

We have a road trip in 2 weeks. We're going to the mothman museum in West Virginia. We'll pick her up from school on Friday and leave town straight from there. We'll get dinner on the way, stay overnight in the area, and go to the museum the next day before heading home. For me it's a nothing Burger of a trip. I've driven more hours straight through with no breaks than this. For our first family road trip the stakes are so high. She and I both get car sick. She has ADHD and isn't a reader so I can't just give her a book like I would have my nephews or my stepson.

I'm planning car toys, a coloring book, road trip games, and snacks. I'm also going to give him my iPad next week so that he can download whatever games she might want on it as well as some shows that she'll watch. Got to get her headphones