I hope you’ll be able to help me ladies 🙏🏻🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵

I would love it if you could read my little story below, a ‘case study’ if you will… and tell me what you think would be best for me (outside of seeking professional mental health help that is…)

Reading people’s Curly Girl routines online have been so much fun, yet I often get a bit overwhelmed with there being so many steps. I would love it if you could share a simplified ‘test routine’ with me, just to see if my mysteriously frazzled hair will respond well and finally give up it’s secrets… 👻 I wonderful if I have damaged curly hair that I have never allowed to flourish - or maybe I am deluding myself.

My story:

When I was in my 20s and 30s, I always told myself I have unruly wavy hair, that was thick and could take punishment… I used chemical relaxants once in a while, and straightening irons and blow-dryers most days… and could force my robust hair to do pretty much anything I asked of it (and got compliments on my abundant ’film star’ hair 😂 even though those poor hairs were choking under the weight of the hair spray and my crazy demands)

Here I am now, in my 40s, somewhat broken and tired… a different person inside and out. My father had a terminal illness and I spent almost an entire decade being primary carer to my dear bed bound dad, who I‘ve sadly lost now - so I’m stepping back out after a long period of hiding and want to get back some of that old confidence - but truthfully? I don’t recognise the guy looking back at me in the mirror. Older, messier and a bit hopeless.

Of course, with age, my hair has thinned a little… the hairline shifted a little… but most interestingly - my hair texture has changed too. It’s thinner, more wire-ey, frazzled (although I haven’t been using heat on it) and this strange contradiction of feeling dry/dehydrated but soft and feather-like all at the same time… Ladies, needless to say, **I NEED YOUR HELP** 😭

Here is my humble theory - I suspect I have curly hair.   
(lemme rephrase that) 

I suspect I *should* have curly hair. Do you guys agree?

When I was young, there are photos of me with big pillow-like clouds of black hair, never really curls but more defined than mere waves. Then, my entire adult life, my hair has been cut relatively short.

I wonder now, at 43 year s old - Maybe I could have curling hair. I could buy some products, set up a routine, I even have a diffuser for my hair dryer… But I am clueless 😞

My dream? maybe in my middle-age this dream hairstyle would look cringe-worthy on someone my age, but I would love a ‘poodle’ top and faded sides - to just look younger and funky (my god, who uses the word ‘funky’ ??)

  
Here’s my parody example of what I have read online:

1) I only wash my hair once a week but I will wash it twice a week if I am doing a “co wash” but if I am doing a ”co wash” I will make sure my head is only half way under the water and if I accidentally get it wet that is OK because I can use La Grochey’s Curly Burly Hurly Wurly Serum but only when it’s a full moon. Just check online for your local lunar cycle.

2) After I shampoo my hair (be careful no to use sulphates or mullphates or even shmallphates but it’s ok to use JoJoBo oil but only if harvested on a leap year) and rub the oil into your hair but be careful only to get the tips of your hair and then leave that in, climb out the shower, run around the block in your bath towel and then climb back into the shower and mist your hair with a few pumps of Cracker Fontaine’s Marvellous Follicle Cream but rubbing it counter-clockwise whilst whistling the national anthem.

3) Mist your hair with the ghost mist and then summon a demon who will gel your hair with the ridiculously expensive T2B3-XL Invisible Future Cream and crack it when it hardens with Peruvian Alpaca Juice. Crack those curls carefully and if the gel is not your thing, feel free to buy Mumble & Dumble’s curling mouse which you can not find anywhere even though I am telling you how great it is.

…And it doesn’t help I live in the UK and most of the products recommended are US products! 😅

In the last few months - I have used my old hair straighter once or twice. I have blow dried my hair a few times. I shampoo it every day. I‘ve always been scared of conditioners as I worry they will leave residue or add weight to my hair… I dunno! I am just so clueless. My hair looks horrible, the texture of the hair on my head looks like the hair you might find around one’s private parts ! Sorry to be crude.

Do you think I could ever have beautiful defined curls? Or am I cursed with this weird frizz for the rest of my life?

Thanks for putting up with me.   


  


  


Disastrous Frizz… Where Do I Begin?