Dropping pumps for my sanity— feeling AWFUL about it

In my head I’ve told myself I’m done but hate myself for only making it to 10 weeks. How in the world do people do this for 6 months? A YEAR? And while working???? I don’t get it but I applaud you all.

I’m dropping from 6 to 5ppd today forward and then I’ll see how I feel but with having to return to work soon and obviously losing some supply by doing this, I might just say this is where I start to wean totally. I’ve felt better mentally each time I drop a pump but way more guilty. Every time I smell formula I feel awful that she will eventually have to drink it straight. I’m sure it doesn’t taste nearly as good 😢 She tolerates formula well and we’ve been supplementing on and off since she was born but I feel awful I can’t do this for her but it’s technically by choice- I just can’t mentally handle all the bs that comes with EP anymore. I feel like I let my baby down because I couldn’t breastfeed and now I’m letting her down again. I cry because I hate pumping and I cry because I’m giving up. I feel like I can’t win.

Ugh.