Why are you so cruel

I never finished reading the book you gave me. I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to read it after everything that went down between us and tears my fucking heart apart every fckin time I think about it. The rose you gave me is still on chapter 5,now dried. The front cover still has the faint fragrance of your perfume. Crazy,how i found it so romantic once upon a time because everytime I flipped the pages I could smell your perfume and now it's only a bitter sweet feeling. I hope you keep my handkerchief safe and on you at all times. I hope you hold it exactly when you need. I hope it feels like a warm hug when my arms couldn't hug you. I remember you telling me you can no longer smell my perfume on my handkerchief and i said come back home and I'll spray it all over again for you. Even in the quite and distance i hope i can keep the promise. Ik you mistreated me but I can't bring myself to hate you. Why it has to be so hard? Why can't be together and happy? Why can't you grow up? Why did you come so close to me when you had no intentions of staying and you knew all along how fuckin sensitive I am. Why you have to be so cruel?