Scream into the void

I hate how fucking anxious i am. Why did i send so many messages??? I should have got the message and just gave up days ago. I probably overwhelmed her and now she hates me or thinks im weird. This is the WORST time for spring break cause im gonna be alone most of the week, so im just cooked. This happens every time i get into a relationship. They abandon me after a month and change. Seems like when people get to know me, they run away. So whats the point in trying? Why the fuck am i in college and why the fuck am i working when my country is shit and the world is shit. I have friends and family but i wanted someone special. Maybe this is a sign. I really wanna just disappear and stop existing. Im tired. Im exhausted. Im lazy. Why did i even try?