paralyzed by crush on a friend

Basically the title says it all, but around New Years I realized I have a really big crush on a friend of mine. I’ve known him for a couple years through school sports, but we got closer this past year. He’s a year older than me and has his own friends though, and I doubt I’m as important to him as he is to me, even just as a friend. He’s respectful and outgoing and he has a great sense of humor. I would consider him popular/sporty, at least in comparison to me, but he is so much deeper and kinder than any popular guy I’ve known. I love talking to him and spending time with him feels natural to me.

Anyway the problem is that we’re both guys and I have no idea if he likes guys or not. At first I thought he definitely didn’t, but over time things about him started to stand out to me that made me think he might. For example he’s friends with more girls than I would say most straight guys are and he’s more kind and sensitive than anyone would expect. I think this is where I need some help because he could just be straight and this is all my wishful thinking.

Plus we’ve spent a lot of time in the car together because every now and then he’ll drive us up to this facility (about and hour away) where we practice for track and field, and in the car we listen to a lot of music. Last time, he asked me why I never sing along and told me to put on a song I would sing to. After that, we were going back and forth putting on music and he told me that his favorite thing in the world is being introduced to new music and driving with his friends, or exactly what we were doing then. Another time, he recommended me the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower, which is one of his favorites, and he even offered to let me borrow his special copy. I’d already seen the movie but of course I read the book when he recommended it to me and I finished it in about 4 days even though I’m not a huge reader. We talked about it together, and if anyone has read it or watched the movie, its not the kind of book that popular sports guys read. It just makes me wonder if he’s like this with all of his friends or if he might like me too.

Finally I’d say the main problem is that I can’t stop thinking about him and I feel like I’m always waiting to get a text or a message from him. Like last night he replied to a story I posted around midnight and after I got his message, I just finally felt calm after the whole day. I also look forward to seeing him at practice after school and at lunch every other day, and I feel like my whole life these past 2 months has just been me waiting to see him every day. I don’t feel like I can be productive because he’s always on my mind. I know I’ll eventually get over it, especially when he graduates and won’t be around all of next school year, but part of me also feels like I’ll never like someone as much as I like him. I have a tiny but of hope that he likes me back, and I think it’s making things worse for me.

Anyway I’m sorry this was so long I just want to know what other people think and maybe how I can get him off my mind without totally forgetting him, because he’s still a great friend.