HR help ongoing mental health crisis : Trigger warning: DV, MH

Hi guys, I have had a history of lateness & no shows at work over the last year, it led to me being suspended for a time and also needing a OH review but unfortunately my case is more complex,

I can understand I am objectively a terrible employee however given the context I wonder if I have a case or right to defend myself, I can’t lose my role, I already moved to bank work( temp contract) to help me manage and keep working sustainably, ie. give myself breaks without breaking my contract.

For context, I have been facing domestic abuse and violence at home since a child, it impacted my mental health, my ability to focus at uni and ability to work full time and consistently. I was in denial for a while bit some symptoms I couldn’t push down for example the chronic lateness; I have to mentally prepare myself to leave the house, I can wake up on time however to leave the house takes a lot mental work, I have to take regular breaks on the train to calm and ground myself, its not just oh you’re late. It takes almost everything to show up here and even worse I feel guilty which makes my anxiety worse… you can see the cycle. I have peaks where I can work forever and ever and lows where I cannot even get out of bed and brush my teeth, suicidal ideation, guilt, hopelessness is ever present and well as embarrassment so I cover it up by pretending everything is fine, I don’t even know how to bring the issue up…

Last year January I was assaulted by a patient’s family, I was absolutely hysterical, I was told I would never see that person again but my next shift they were right there, I felt so done by and violated, I spent the whole shift trying to act normal but really scared anytime now this person will realise who I am and assault me again,

It definitely made me unsafe at work as well as I feel I cannot come out with my issues as they seem not to care, it really made me loose faith, which made my anxiety, ptsd symptoms worse,

Last year after that, a series of domestic abuse kept happening to me, was constantly threatened with homelessness, harassed, bullying, finically pressured, beaten ( I got a crack in my tooth that was infected and I still showed up to work only for people to ask me if I had developed a liver condition and keep whispering in my face about me), I couldn’t work for a time out of fear of leaving the house as my keys were stolen from me so I would be locked out, I had to leave work early because I kept getting threats and in so much distress to focus, I was trapped between working and not working to help myself, I opened up to work about this but somehow I don’t believe it was taken seriously, I was still suspended even though I needed the money,

This year I developed a Kidney injury from rumination syndrome (a gut syndrome) due to all the stress and trauma, I attempted to help this last year and gained weight rapidly, which my colleagues kept commenting on, asking why and if I was pregnant…. honestly it was humiliating … again it didn’t help with my anxiety and mental health

Even experiencing my kidney injury, I felt physically unwell and kept vomiting and tired but because of fear and pressure of getting in trouble because of my history of calling in sick or not showing up, I endured, I came to work, because I don’t want to get in trouble,

Shortly after, I was hospitalised. I have a letter from talking therapy, eating disorder teams saying treatment cannot be implemented until I can leave my home yet I have no money no support and on top of that a terrible reputation at work.

I was declared homeless finally working up the courage to seek help but my council has kept failing me over and over. On Monday due to the stress and my situation I didn’t show up to work. As it stands I don’t receive any benefits or universal credit but still have bills to pay and financial commitments I must pay out if fear of my family, I am not completely safe yet so I booked a shift feeling all this pressure. On Monday, I was running around the council, calling and speaking to people to help me get in contact with my housing advisor only to find out at 17:00 he has been on holiday since the previous Thursday, this I believe has cost me my job which I cannot loose,

Does that make sense, I am at war here, I tried to better my situation by working but I had very little control on what happened,

I have now been assigned a Mental health OT, who advised to reach out to work but I don’t know what to say anymore, I feel defeated even though I tried and need this job

I have evidence like my discharge papers, gp notes, emails chasing the council, tomorrow I will attempt to get a fit note backdating to last Monday but I’m not sure if I will be allowed to come back… this may have been my last chance.

I tried calling and texting my manager but no reply, during a call with the Gp Clinical site did try to call me but I couldn’t answer at the time, I am worried i won’t be believed

Thank you for reading and for your advice