Potty training is gonna make me rip my hair out.

Hey all. My 3 year old has royally made me mad today. I know that’s not right, let me explain. I’m struggling so badly with him, he doesn’t listen to anyone about going.

Just noticed that it’s been a while since he’d be to the bathroom so I take him to try to go potty. He’s trying to go by himself so he tells me to stand at the door so he can do his business. I step out by the door and try to let him do his thing, gave him 25-30ish seconds to try and then I noticed he wasn’t going so I stepped back into to check and he’s still got his pants and pull up on. So I walked over and asked “Why aren’t you going yet bubba?” and started to help him pull the pants/pull-up off to go potty. As I’m doing that he says “I’m not going because I’m peeing myself” right as I get them down and pee literally exploded everywhere. I get him cleaned up and start to talk to my finance about it and she’s saying that it’s just an accident and that it happens, but I feel like this was a deliberate choice for him to just stand there and not even attempt to go. This is a recurring issue and I’m so lost on what to do, timeouts don’t work, talking doesn’t work.. nothing is helping him get through this hurdle. We’ve been trying for months and months, and he’s about to be 4 years old soon..

Any advice on what to do? I’m lost and getting frustrated with him and I don’t want to be stuck like this 😭