No, I'm no longer a Business, I do not want to make a call or an appointment

I don't have the time or patience to listen to nothing while punching numbers for this extention or that. I either want a chat (that can be saved) or simply send an email . . . while I go on about my business. The 2 bankers in the nearest branch are way to chatty and personal. Why does a simple task have to be made so hard?