Am I Agpoid?

I can't tell to be honest, I was thinking of transationing since I was 16 but I always thought of what my family think of me and other stuff.

I'm 21yo now and on Hrt but I still question myself sometimes I look at the mirror and want to meltdown as whole others I just look at mirror and gaze at my reflex. Sometimes I get disgusted of what I'm doing others I just feel happy when I take E.

I'm kinda lost I don't know what I'm doing to be honest, not in Sense of detransitioning but I feel lost.