how do i gain the confidence to assert my chosen name/pronouns??

it is so so incredibly hard for me to tell people my chosen name and pronouns, and for those i have told, i can’t correct them when they mess up. i just shut down physically and mentally and then the moment has passed. it makes me feel so worthless and weak and like i’m less trans, but i don’t know how to fix this. i have been working on my people pleasing tendencies (because i’m finally understanding how manipulative/inauthentic people pleasers are, and i don’t want to be that) but this is one thing that i can’t seem to improve. mind you i’ve had my chosen name and known i want to go exclusively by he/him pronouns for almost 2 years now. i present pretty feminine so that makes it even harder for me to feel confident in asking this.

i feel like it’s just too much to ask? especially when they’ve known me for years and years?? it’s pretty easy for me to call someone else i’ve known forever by a new name (i’ve done it now with my best friend and their sibling, both are trans) but i feel like that’s because i’m around a lot of trans people. the people that i feel i can’t ask this of are not around a lot of trans people. (my family, random acquaintances and friends of family, etc.) i feel similarly about asking to change the pronouns they use for me. at this point i’m just pretending that i’m still okay with she/her so i don’t go completely insane. (i am transmasc nonbinary, not a binary trans man.)

i have a good cis friend whom i’ve told about my chosen name, and she said she would try, but it’s been like 6 months since i told her and she’s never called me by my chosen name, and has in several moments used my birth name (like casually in conversation, to get my attention, etc.) in the moment i always feel like it’s rude to correct her and would make her feel bad. i have tried to talk about my name change to her to indirectly remind her of it. i’m hopeful because i know she cares about me and we’re really good friends otherwise. when i first told her about my chosen name, she joked that she would struggle with it because she knew someone (also a nonbinary person) with the same name, same spelling and they were a horrible person. it made me feel kind of shitty tbh but i know she didn’t mean it in a serious way. i wish i had said in the moment that bothered me but it’s too late, now.

i came out to my brother as nonbinary and told him i go by a different name. he asked me if i wanted him to call me that, and i said yes, i would like it, but i understood it would take a long time and i would be very patient and understanding, etc etc. the next time he saw me we were alone in the car together as he was giving me a ride home from our parent’s house, and he said something along the lines of “i’ve been wanting to hang out, i was thinking ‘oh i should give [birth name] a call, see what she’s up to.“ it hurt more than i thought it would. i know i said i would be patient but when it was just us, i thought he might try my chosen name out. and again i didn’t correct him because my parents still call me by my birth name and i’ve asked him not to tell them yet so !!!!!! it’s so frustrating.

i just feel completely stuck when it comes to asserting my chosen name and pronouns. it’s delaying me coming out to my parents, quite frankly. my parents do know that i go by a different name with my friends, but i explained it away as a ‘nickname’ to soften the blow, although i think they’re aware it’s a gender thing. i‘m not asking for example phrases to use, i know what i should be saying to correct people or introduce the concept, i just feel physically unable to. if you struggled with this and got past it, what worked for you? i’m desperate.