Wanting to stop describing myself with ethnic descriptors

I'm TIRED. My mom and her ancestors are Indonesian, and my dad's side is from the East Coast USA (and Lithuania prior to that). I'm brown and unrecognizable as a member of my own family on either side. My cousins tell me I'll never be accepted as Indonesian even if I try to learn a language, my friends tell me I'm not Asian, I have to keep explaining why I belong in Asian-American spaces, and don't even get me started on my white fam. Whenever I try to process my pain in confidence with any Southeast Asian person who I'm not paying to talk to (ie not my therapist) the friendship mysteriously or unmysteriously ends.

How can I describe myself as Indonesian-American if I'm just not? I wish people would stop asking me what I am. What am I? I hate myself.