AITAH for pulling over and telling my wife to walk home?

Tl;dr AITA for pulling the car over and telling my wife “if you’re going to yell at me, you can walk the rest of the way home”?

For background my wife has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a genetic connective tissue disorder that causes varying levels of pain and small tasks can be exhausting, and has been unemployed for 13 years.

On Friday, my wife came downstairs and told me she did too much this week and didn’t feel up to going out. I told her “okay but I’ve gotta go out sometime this weekend because I’m going stir crazy”. I work two WFH jobs from my basement, 50 hours or more per week.

Yesterday she said she was really sorry but she didn’t feel good, and I said that’s okay, I wouldn’t want to go out if she didn’t feel good, I just hope she felt better.

So today started off with us referring to a joke from when we got married 14 years ago. She said the people working at the store probably thought it was funny too and I said no way those people working at the store would’ve understood, they’re probably too dumb. She said it was elitist and I said no, I’m a realist, people are generally dumb. (Yes, I realize that does come across as elitist but look at who people voted for president…twice).

We got in the car to go get breakfast and she said she would close the garage door. I got a little pre-occupied switching my glasses and was waiting for her to get in the car. She tapped on the car, our universal sign to open the trunk, so I did. She shut it and asked what I was doing, she was waiting in the cold for me to pull out to close the garage door. I pulled out, she got in, and said “I’m sorry, but you’re an idiot. Why didn’t you pull out?” I apologized for being scatterbrained.

When we left the diner, she was telling me about a comment someone made on Reddit. I’m autistic and sometimes I become hyper focused on details, even when they’re irrelevant. And this happened as I said I agreed with what she was saying but was trying to figure out the correct generation the Reddit comment was referring to. My wife said she was frustrated because it doesn’t matter. I apologized and explained I got too focused on the details.

This turned into a larger argument about how I’m an elitist when I’m the one being dumb. How she could’ve seen herself being one of the girls at the store in the joke. How I’m so self centered because I need to be right instead of not annoying her with this behavior. How I’m selfish and inconsiderate because I told her we HAD to go out and she was scared to say she wasn’t feeling good because of how I would react.

I told her it wasn’t my intention to make her feel obligated, it was more like intentional hyperbole; “I’m going stir crazy and I need to get out of here”, not if we don’t go out there will be consequences or punishment or something. She told me I was invalidating her feelings, I told her I understood how she felt, but again, that wasn’t what I intended. I told her how I didn’t appreciate the “idiot” comment and I’d never call her that, which she scoffed at.

At this point, we were not far from home. Her voice had continued to crescendo to a yell and I told her to please lower her voice, which I guess upset her enough that it reached a scream. I saw a driveway, checked my mirror, and pulled over pretty abruptly. I told her if she was going to yell, she could walk home, and I didn’t deserve to be yelled at like this. So she got out and walked half a mile home. I tried to pick her up at the next driveway, told her I’m sorry because she shouldn’t be walking this far but again didn’t deserve to be yelled at. She ignored me, kept walking, and I went home.

When she finally got home ten minutes later, she said how fucked up it was I forced my disabled wife to walk home. I told her no one forced her to do anything, she is an adult who chose to get out of the car instead of lowering her voice and refused help when I tried to pick her up. She replied “maybe I was scared and didn’t want to be in the car with someone who swerved all over the road and slammed on the brakes” to which I said sure, but you didn’t say that, or anything for that matter. And now she’s telling me not to come crying back to her apologizing, we’re done.

And yes, I’m in weekly therapy and we are in between marriage counselors, but was I the asshole in this situation?